Dr. Welby doesn't post here

Recently, as I was reading message boards while eating my morning oatmeal, I had to severely rein in my cranky, carnal, and cynical side. We all have them. I just try real hard to keep mine in check.

You've all read posts where someone says something like, "I just had an appendectomy. How long did it take you to get over yours? My doctor says to rub cocoa butter on the scar; any other remedies for scarring out there?" These types of posts are fine and don't bother me. The person is under a doctor's care, and just wants to hear about other people's experiences.

Sometimes they want encouragement or reassurance. Sometimes they just want to share war stories. Men don't engage in this kind of behavior generally, but women seem to love to hear and discuss other's experiences with whatever they are going through or facing themselves. And often it is very helpful in getting through the problem and getting over it.

But then there are posts like this one, "I have this pain in my gut right by my belly button. I don't have it all the time. Sometimes it's real bad. Anyone else have something like this? What could it be?"

These kind of posts DO drive me nuts. First of all, Dr. Welby doesn't post here and no one here is a doctor. The nurses that post here usually respond by telling you to go see your doctor. Secondly, without examining you in person, even Dr. Welby could not and would not diagnose you. The same goes for those of us with medical experience; we can't begin to guess at your problem based on these vague symptoms. Nor should we. You need to go see your doctor. I repeat, YOU NEED TO GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR.

The 3C side of me (cranky, carnal, and cynical) often wants to post a reply like this one: "Are you a complete idiot? Of course you are. If and when you do go to the doctor, you'll find out that belly button pain is a symptom of imminent brain rupture. Your brain will begin to ooze out of your right ear, unless you are left-handed in which case it will ooze out of your left ear. After your brain begins to ooze, your belly button will completely unscrew itself from the inside and your legs will cease to move. Next, your legs and elbows will become numb and this will cause your breasts to descend to your navel level. If you survive to this point, you will be no longer able to cross stitch because your thumbs will begin to twiddle incessantly and you'll become severely allergic to chocolate. It's too late for you. You should have gone to the doctor sooner. All this will happen in less than five days. You will die soon after. Call the funeral home and alert the relatives. Get your will in order."

You can see why I keep the ol' 3C side squashed as much as possible. Panic would reign on the message boards. ☺

A note from my stitching chair: "The Alamo" is coming along. I've just about got the trunk of the big tree stitched and have the leaves and all the backstitching left to do. I may start on the backstitching and wait on stitching the leaves just because I really want to see the design pop out. And because the leaves will be annoying to stitch, especially in five different colors of green with confetti stitching.